Toy Packaging

Thursday was the twins’ birthday.

So even though I just did a little rant on the over-packaging of goods, I just HAVE to revisit this subject. Because NOTHING is as over-packaged as kids’ toys!

I mean, after I finished untaping, unstrapping, and unwrapping the twins’ new toys, I felt like I had defused a bomb or something. Maybe we should a have a toy-unwrapping robot, like a bomb robot, programmed to extract the toy without harming it.

One particular toy was a cute little train, with one car and an engine, that sat in its own little train depot. In order to hold this thing in its box, they had used twelve twisted wires, six molded plastic sleeves, two layers of cardboard, and a bunch of strapping tape.

Is this thing so delicate it can’t stay intact inside a box without all that stuff? (If so, I don’t think it should be going to a couple of two-year olds.) Where did they have to ship it from? The moon?

No, I know it probably came from a sweatshop in the Far East. I can just see those guys over there putting on the twisty wires, going, “Stupid spoiled American children! Have fun getting your little train out in under an hour! Ha! Ha!”

I seriously spent over an hour after the babies had gone to bed just getting toys out of boxes.

Later I talked about this with my daughters. They asked why it is that even the Barbies’ hair is taped onto the cardboard. I said, of course, that it’s so the Barbie looks pretty in the box so you will buy her.

My oldest said, “It’s proof that toys really do come alive, and they’re trying to keep them from escaping inside the store.”

Well, that’s as good an explanation as I’ve ever heard!

Cereal Toys

My kids got a little plastic car inside a box of Cheerios.

They were pretty excited because you hardly ever get anything inside cereal boxes these days. I mean, when I was a kid we were finding stuff in our cereal all the time; my brother and I would fight over who got to be the first one to open a new box so that we could be the one to get the prize.

But nowadays you’ve got to send off for everything. And not just sending off box tops either; you’ve got to write them a check! I mean, correct me if I’m wrong here, but I don’t remember EVER having to ask my mom to write a CHECK for a cereal prize! We just sent them the required number of box tops and that was it! But I digress.

So we get this little plastic car, and my kids are pretty excited about it. But then they couldn’t open the thing up!

They’ve got the thing double shrink-wrapped; I mean TWO LAYERS of plastic. And then the car has these little stickers you’re supposed to put on it to be the windows and the racing car number and whatnot.

I wonder, how much would it have added to the per-unit cost of this molded plastic toy for them to just put the stickers on at the dang factory? Or make the plastic another color for the windows? They already have the bottom of the car a different color. I mean, seriously.

Half the Happy Meal toys we get have stickers you’ve got to place on them now. Have you ever SEEN stickers placed on a plastic toy by a kid who’s been eating french fries? It ain’t pretty. You end up with the stickers on everything BUT the toy.

So now with this little car, I’VE got to place the stickers. But first I’ve got to figure out how to open the hermetically sealed package the thing is in. I mean, is this like hospital-grade sterile here? Why does it have to be shrink-wrapped TWICE?!

Aren’t we supposed to be all earth-friendly-using-less-packaging these days? Isn’t that why my water bottles now feel like they’re about to collapse under the weight of their own contents? (Uses 30% less plastic! it announces proudly. Hey, maybe we NEEDED that plastic to hold the water in, guys!)

So why then does everything have to be sealed up so tight? I bought a bottle of children’s Benadryl the other day, and it was in a sealed cardboard box. Inside the box, the whole bottle was wrapped in plastic. Then, when you open the cap (finally) there’s a seal over the top of the bottle as well! Labeled "easy-open; lift and peel." Easy-open, my aunt Fanny! (See how I'm keeping it G-rated?) I mean, come on! Is this really necessary? By the time I get the medicine open my kid’s already gotten well!

But anyways, back to the little plastic car. I finally got the thing all set, excess packaging thrown away, and the car ready to play with. By then the kids have finished the Cheerios and opened a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and here comes ANOTHER plastic car!

I just hid it behind the fruit bowl to open another day. I’m too tired now.