Flying with The Perfect Couple

On the flight to Hawaii I sat next to The Perfect Couple.

They were young and attractive, both blonde, and from the way they were gazing adoringly into each other’s eyes, they appeared to be on their honeymoon.

This is the flight I took with five children and WITHOUT my husband.

So while I was doling out snacks and trying to stop the kids from either (a) dying of boredom or (b) killing each other out of boredom, they were cooing and smiling at each other.

While I was scraping melted chocolate handprints off my sleeve and wiping snotty baby noses, they were sharing earphones on an iPod and beaming at each other.

With increasing jealous irritation, I saw the Perfect Couple do a crossword puzzle together, chuckle over a movie on a laptop, and commiserate over a magazine they were passing back and forth.

In the meantime I was asked, “How much longer is it going to be?” approximately 4,382 times. And then whined at when I answered.

And The Perfect Couple continued to appear to be having the time of their lives on this interminable flight.

I began thinking decidedly uncharitable things towards these people, mostly along the lines of, “Just you wait until YOU have kids. We’ll see how adoringly you’re gazing at each other when it’s 3 a.m. and you’re both covered in vomit!”

When we were (finally) close to the end of the flight, Mrs. Perfect spoke to me, asking how old the twins were. When I told her, she said, “Oh, we have a little girl about that age too!”

I was surprised. “You do?” I said. They nodded their heads in unison.

“And we have an older boy, too,” she added. “But it’s a good thing they aren’t with us on this trip. They would never be a quiet and good as your kids are being.”

Say WHAT? I was astounded. I guess love IS blind!

Also I felt about two inches tall for being mad at these people’s lovey-dovey-ness. Apparently they HAVE been covered in vomit at 3 a.m., and they’re STILL gazing adoringly into each other’s eyes.

I should have been applauding them instead.

So here’s to you, Perfect Couple! I hope your Hawaiian vacation was everything you dreamed of.

And I hope you didn’t sit next someone worse than ME on the flight home!