Sock Wars

Last Saturday we had a major sock fight.

I don’t mean that the kids were throwing socks at each other, or that that Lamb Chop and that pets.com puppet were brawling in my house.

I mean that the children were actually fighting over a sock.

The altercation started right before dinner, with GG shrieking from the living room.

I yelled, “What’s going on?” from the kitchen, and discovered that ET had forcibly removed GG’s left sock and was dangling it above her sister‘s head.

“That’s MY sock! She’s wearing MY sock!” ET accused, regrettably sounding a lot like one of Cinderella’s stepsisters.

GG asserted that it was her own sock, and not ET’s.

Both girls insisted that it was a sock they’d just gotten for Christmas.

Now, unfortunately, although I purchased the Christmas socks myself only two months ago, I did not remember which particular sock went to which child. Therefore, with two conflicting claims of sock ownership, I could see no way to resolve the question.

I said, “There’s no way I can tell whose sock it is. So I guess I will have to confiscate the sock and throw it away, if neither of you will concede and allow the other one to have to sock.”

They both scowled at me. Nobody conceded anything.

I continued, Solomon-like. “I would think that the TRUE OWNER of the sock would LOVE the sock enough to not want it to be thrown away.”

ET rolled her eyes. “Bible wisdom, Mommy? REALLY?!”

I shrugged. “Well, there’s no way I can tell who’s telling the truth here. It was worth a shot.”

GG put in, “Besides, according to the Bible story, you should cut the sock in half, not throw it away.”

“I want the toe end!” ET said quickly.

Obviously NO ONE is the true owner of this sock.

We went around the subject a few more times, but the only other idea we could come up with was that all of GG’s Christmas socks had matches, whereas ET’s did not.

 (There’s some new sock style where your socks don’t match intentionally, so I was trying to be Cutting Edge Mom and bought her a set of twelve unmatched socks. Yeah, I know: Like I don’t already have a pile of those behind the dryer!)

ET said smugly, “If SHE can come up with a match, then it’s HER sock. If not, it has to be MINE!”

I pointed out the problem with this, namely, the propensity of sock matches getting lost in this house. “Even if she can’t find as match, that won’t prove it’s not hers,” I told ET. I was still planning on tossing the offending sock after dinner.

Or at least dumping it behind the dryer.

Then, surprisingly, GG excused herself from the table, searched the laundry room, and came up with the sock’s match!

ET had to grudgingly concede this round to her sister.

I don’t know if Solomon himself could have done better with this crowd.