Halloween Safety

So this weekend is Halloween.

It's a holiday that brings to our stores a plethora of individually wrapped candy and strange costumes.

Don’t even get me STARTED on the costumes by the way! When did every costume for women become “sexy?” I mean, the WHOLE female costume section is full of short skirts and misplaced cleavage! “Sexy French Maid?” Okay, I’ll accept that. But “Sexy Nun?” That’s just WRONG! And this year they‘ve introduced “Sexy” Sesame Street Characters? Is this a sign of the apocalypse? Or just seriously bad taste?

But I digress.

I was talking about Halloween and its accompanying precursors. Like many holidays, it also brings to magazines and internet postings a bunch of health and safety advice.

Most of the advice makes sense: Put reflective tape on your kid’s costume, and/or make them carry a flashlight. Make sure your child’s costume isn’t too long so that they might trip. Don’t let them wear a mask that obscures their vision.

And in case you’re a complete moron, they’ll offer you this tidbit of wisdom: If your child’s costume includes a cutting-type weapon, make sure they carry a fake knife, not a real one.

Why THANK you, Nickelodeon parentsconnect.com! I’d better call Junior inside right now and snatch that Ginsu from his little fist! Crisis averted!

But I’ve also seen some downright BAD Halloween advice.

Here’s a quote from the heath editor of a popular magazine:

“I don’t like to give out unhealthy things like candy at Halloween. I prefer to give stickers or other small nonfood items. The kids are always pleasantly surprised when they see my ‘treats’.”

Oh yeah? And are YOU “pleasantly” surprised by the gifts of rotten eggs and T.P. you receive later in the evening? Good plan!

And here’s another cheerful headline:

"Let's make our own candy! It's easier than you think!”

Sure! If you want your stuff to get tossed into the trash by the trick-or-treater’s parents as soon as they get home. Knock yourself out!

Another blogger I read (tbd.com/blogs) talked about an article advising people to never take their children to an unfamiliar neighborhood to trick-or-treat.

His argument: How else are they going to get good candy if they live in a neighborhood full of old people and/or helath nuts like the magazine lady above? I have to agree.

And of course, every article says to inspect your child’s candy and discard any unwrapped or “suspicious-looking” candy.

Now I do this myself, mostly because it also serves the purpose of allowing me to skim off the good stuff as my cut.

What? I feed, clothe and house these kids all year! I’m not entitled to a measly fun-sized Hershey bar (or two) once a year?

By the way, as much as I’ve heard rumors of poisoned Halloween candy and/or razorblades in apples on Halloween, I’ve never seen any of this actually documented as truth. So I did some research on it.

Okay, I checked snopes.com.

That counts as research in this day and age, I think.

Poisoned candy passed out at random? (www.snopes.com) Nope. Never happened.

But the razorblades in the apples? Actually true! (www.snopes.com) Although most of the razorblades were planted by the kids themselves before they “discovered” them and showed them to the horrified parents, or by older brothers and other pranksters.

Besides, what kid would eat an APPLE when he’s got a pillowcase stuffed with sour patch kids and kit kats? You save those apples to throw at the healthful-hander-outer’s home later!

Not that I’m advocating such a thing.

But anyways, with all this advice floating around, we should all know how to be super safe on Halloween!

Now to go comb through my kids’ candy…..