Escape (Not the Pina Colada Song)

(Written 1/11/13 at 7:00 p.m.)
I’m in the White Sands Hotel in Waikiki.

It sounds a lot nicer than it is.

First off, there’s no sand anywhere near here, white or otherwise. Secondly, if Honolulu has a red light district, (and does anyone doubt that it does?) I’m pretty sure I’m sitting in the middle of it.

However, it’s the best hotel I can afford.

But why am I in a hotel of any kind? you may be wondering. Don’t I live in Honolulu?

Obviously, I’m escaping my children.

(Image from www.tumblr.com)

This is my Christmas present. I just wanted to be alone for 24 hours. To read or work on my writing, and not be interrupted every five seconds. Does that sound awful?

This afternoon I told the kids I was going away for the night. They were greatly distressed.

ET in particular was highly suspicious. She figured there was some kind of cover-up going on. Either (a) Mommy and daddy are getting divorced, (b) Mommy has an awful disease she must be clandestinely treated for, or (c ) Mommy is checking into an insane asylum.

Well, as plausible as (c ) may be, ET, I’m really just going to sit in a hotel room alone for one night.

And maybe you should stop watching those Lifetime movies….

What Happened to November?

So some of you may be wondering how I did with NaNoWriMo last month.

And some of you may be wondering: What is a NaNoWriMo? And is it contagious?

(image from laughstub.com)

Well, November is National Novel Writing Month, and the challenge is to write a fifty-thousand word novel in thirty days. I didn’t exactly make the 50,000 word mark.

Would you like to know my final word count on the deadline, November 30th at midnight?

13,461.

I guess it’s over one-fourth of the way there….

I know, right? LAME.

There were several obstacles in my way. (And I’m not talking JUST about those five obstacles whom I birthed myself!)

For one thing, my plot just wasn’t going very far. Here’s a good way to describe it, as written by Chris Baty about his own novel:

“My NaNoWriMo novel this year was

not quite what I'd hoped.

The idea seemed great in October.

I pictured my story rocketing across November

like a cheetah, flying through the

fertile grasslands of my imagination

and leaping over everything in its path.

Instead, my book bumbled around

like a myopic sasquatch in an overgrown forest,

knocking into pine trees and spending

a fair amount of time wondering if

boiled moss could work as a coffee substitute.”

I feel your pain, Chris!

Also, there’s the problem of the death of naptime.

The Day That Naptime Died.

I think that sounds like a song.

Everybody sing! “Bye Bye! My alone time died! Since the twins escaped their cribs, on all my time they have dibs. And I spend half the day stuck in the car with my kids, since the day… that naptime… died.”

(Click here if you’re interested in reading more about the demise of naptime.)

Anyways, having the twins awake ALL DAY LONG has really thrown a monkey wrench into my writing career.

Is that the right expression? Or is it “a spanner in the works of my writing?”

Or perhaps it’s “a wad of dried Play-Doh clogging my keyboard so I CAN‘T EVEN TYPE?” (I think we’re getting warmer!)

In any case, my novel is going very slowly. But that’s okay!

In the immortal words of Dory, “Just keep swimming! Just keep swimming! Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming!”



Yes. I’ve been watching WAY too much kids’ TV…

(image from disney.wikia.com)

Why no one ever contacts me...

I probably mentioned before that I'm working on being a writer.

I've not been particularly sucessful at it, by the way.

I just read an interesting blog post from a literary agent named Rachelle.

Just to summarize: she was wondering why so many writers have websites or blogs without having an e-mail address or any way to contact them listed.

I quote, "Why would you even bother putting yourself out there without giving people a way to contact you?"


Oh.

Well, Rachelle, I suppose it's because I'm a complete moron.

I mean, I truly didn't think of it.

Obviously I'm not the sharpest pencil in the box here.



In fact, when I first made this blog my mother pointed out that I hadn't even put MY OWN NAME on it!

She said this in an extremely tactful manner, of course.

As in, she didn't wallop me upside the head and yell, "You IDIOT! How are people going to know who you ARE?!"

Which she would have been perfectly justified in doing.

I fixed that, and now I've made it so my e-mail address shows in my profile.

So let those e-mails roll in!

Unless you're just trying to sell me Viagra, or something. I've already got enough of those offers, thanks.

Rachelle says I really should set it up so people can click on the address right from my blog, and it can be encrypted so spam won't go through, or something. Well, I don't really know how to do that....

Maybe later.

I wouldn't want to overload my poor little dull-pencil-point brain just now...