A Short Drama

The Setting:
The McDonald's Playland

The Time:
A weekday afternoon

The Characters:
Solo Dad with Little Girl and Snugli Baby
(A bewildered-looking man with a baby strapped to his chest, trying vainly to get his daughter to sit down and eat something.)

(image from wikipedia)

Good Family
(consisting of Good Mom, Good Dad and Good Kid. I call them this because they were all sitting so nicely eating their food, and no one was screaming or trying to escape to the playground[Good Kid]. Or back to work[Good Dad].)

Random Kid
(This was a kid who seemed to have no parents and appeared only as a face through the windows or netting of the playland equipment.)

Me, Baby Boy, and Baby Girl
(I don't even bother to try making my kids sit down and eat. I mean, why even PRETEND we're here for the food?)

McDonald's Employee
(I think she's pretty self-explanatory)

The Scene:
I had taken Baby Girl and Baby Boy to the playland after preschool as a reward for "staying on green" at school. (Meaning they were good all day. Relatively speaking, I'm sure.)

Both twins had disappeared immediately into the plastic tubes of the playland, and I was booting up my laptop in preparation to do some writing. Before I had even opened my document, they were back in front of me yelling.

The Action:
Baby Boy: There's POO POO in the playground!

Baby Girl: There's POO POO! Wipe my legs!

Me: (totally shocked) What?!

Baby Girl: It's POO POO!

Baby Boy: There's POO POO in the playground!

Me: (aware that Good Family is now staring at us openmouthed, and dreading the answer to this question but asking it anyways) Did you poo poo, Baby Girl?

Baby Girl: NO! Wipe my legs!

Baby Boy: There's POO POO in the playground!

Good Mom: (wrinkling her nose at us, muttering to Good Dad) Ew! I think I smell it!

Me: (frantically checking over Baby Girl's body) Where? Where is the poo poo?

Baby Boy: (turning to run back inside the plastic tube) I'll show you!

Me: NO!! DON'T!! (noticing that Baby Girl indeed has smudges of brown on her feet and skirt, but no poo poo on the inside of her clothing or underwear and therefore could not be the culprit) Who poo pooed?

Baby Girl and Baby Boy: That little girl did it! (They point in unison to the door)

Solo Dad: (holding Little Girl firmly by the arm) Why didn't you TELL me you had to go?

Little Girl: (crying) I don't know....

(Exit Solo Dad, Little Girl and Snugli Baby)

Baby Girl: Wipe my legs!

Me: (relieved that my child did not befoul the playplace, but repulsed by the fact that she's wearing another kid's excrement) Okay. Hold still a minute.

Good Mom: (looking a little more kindly at me now that we've established the origin of the poo poo) Oh dear.

Good Dad: Finish your food, son. We're going to have to go.

Me: (trying with difficulty to clean Baby Girl with McDonald's napkins) Wait. Where's your brother?

Baby Girl: There's POO POO! That little girl did it!

Me: (standing up and yelling into the plastic tube) Baby Boy! Baby Boy! Come down!

Good Mom: Oh dear.

(Baby Boy's face appears next to Random Kid's in the top window of the tube)

Me: (getting frantic) Baby Boy! Come down!

Baby Girl: There's POO POO! Wipe my legs!

Me: (turning around to discover Baby Girl has taken off her skirt and is holding up the dirty hem) ACK!!!

Baby Boy: (appearing at the base of the tube) There's POO POO in the playground!

Me: (snatching him up and inspecting him) Yes. I know. DON'T GO BACK IN THERE.

Baby Girl: That little girl did it!

Me: I know. It was an accident, I'm sure.

Baby Girl: There's POO POO!

Baby Boy: It was an accident!

McDonald's Employee: (standing in the doorway) ATTENTION CUSTOMERS! The playplace is now closed! There has been an accident! Please exit the playplace!

(Random Kid silently slides down the tube.)

Good Mom: Oh dear.

(Exit Random Kid.)

Me: Let's go get cleaned up in the bathroom.

Baby Boy: There's POO POO!

Baby Girl: It was an accident!

Baby Boy: That little girl did it!

Me: Yes. I know.

Good Dad: Okay son! Let's go!

(Good Kid throws away his trash without protest and follows his parents.)

(Exit Good Family)

Baby Girl: There's POO POO!

Baby Boy: It was an accident!

Baby Girl: That little girl did it!

(Exit Me, Baby Boy, and Baby Girl)

END OF SCENE

Well, it's not exactly Shakespeare, is it?