Thursday, May 13, 2010

Brooke Shields' Eyelashes

I love Brooke Shields.

And not in some weird way; I’m a married woman here, and this is a G-rated blog, remember? But I just love her. First off she’s way gorgeous, even more so now than when she was younger in some ways. Also I love how she wasn’t afraid to talk about her post-partum depression, and also how she forgave Tom Cruise for saying she was the devil for taking anti-depressants. She’s just a classy lady.

But you know how she’s been a spokesperson for that new eyelash-growing drug? I’ve seen the magazine ads: “Talk to your doctor about Latisse.” Well, obviously, I haven’t spoken to my doctor about it, but I figure it’s for people who actually have sparse lashes, like it says on the incredibly long drug information they have to waste two pages on after every prescription ad.

I mean, my lashes aren’t exactly don’t-hate-me-because-I’m-beautiful here, but they do their job; they hold mascara (when I can be bothered to put it on) and they keep junk out of my eyes. That’s what eyelashes are for, right? That, and making wishes when you blow them off your finger, but I don’t think I’ve done THAT since I was about sixteen, when I used to be a lot more diligent with the mascara.

But anyways, I was just reading a newspaper article that said lots of people --okay, let’s just call it like it is here: lots of WOMEN-- are getting prescriptions for Latisse online or at beauty salons and then having some bad side effects.

Okay. First off, if you’re getting a PRESCIPTION at a BEAUTY SALON, you have got to know there’s something wrong here!

And we all know that every drug has side effects, particularly a prescription drug, and that’s why you’re supposed to see a DOCTOR who actually EXAMINES you before you take one. I mean seriously, y’all!

So anyways… moving on here… The article said some people can be allergic to the drug and get a rash on their eyelids. And if you get that, you should stop using it. Pardon me for sounding like my 13-year-old here, but DUH!

And then they told about this lady who began to get a little rash on her eyelid, but she didn’t stop applying Latisse. Because people were complimenting her on her new “plum-colored eye shadow.” So she KEPT PUTTING THE STUFF ON HER EYELIDS.

Okay, maybe I’m being a little harsh here, but come on! That’s what the two boring fine-print pages in magazines after prescription ads are all about! PLUS the little novella-size insert in the package your prescription comes in. Number one thing here: If you are allergic to the drug, STOP!!!!

So this lady thinks her rash is attractive, and she does not stop. Then the rash begins to spread, as rashes are wont to do, and she starts to get the plum-colored eye shadow UNDER her eyes. No longer so attractive, right? The Muhammad Ali look is not “in” this year. So she FINALLY stops applying the stuff.

But now, four months later, the rash is just beginning to fade. So she is all, “Boo-hoo! Why didn’t someone TELL me there were side effects?” Oh PLEASE, honey! Is it not common sense?

And THEN the article said, that in some very rare cases, Latisse can actually turn blue, green, or hazel eyes brown. PERMANETLY. And now I’m like, Ewwww….
shu uemura Soft Cross False Eyelashes 1 pair
It’s like the opposite of that old Crystal Gayle song. Sing it with me folks, “I only meant to grow a lash; I didn’t know I’d get a rash! But honey now I do, Ooooo! And don’t it make my blue eyes BROWN!”

So I guess the moral here is, read the fine print; it’s there for a reason.

Sorry, Brooke… but at least YOUR lashes look fabulous!

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