Recently I was reading some advice on how to have a happy marriage. Most of it was really good --i.e., spend time with each other, be kind to each other, don’t flirt with other people, et cetera-- but there was one item I could not agree with. I don’t want to hurt this well-meaning writer’s feelings, but I would term this one bad advice:
“Be honest with each other. Is there someone
of the opposite sex within your circle of friends
to whom you might be attracted? We are all
human and even when we are in a solid and
loving marriage relationship, we are all going
to be tempted at one time or another. If this
happens, be honest with your spouse. It may
be that you’ll have to cease having a friendship
with that person, if either of you feel it is a
possible threat to your marriage. Your spouse
should be a priority in your life and your heart.
Don’t allow anyone outside of that to pose
even a possible threat to your marriage relationship.
This may be very difficult, especially if you are
faced with talking to that person and explaining
why the friendship has to end, but isn't your
spouse worth more than a friendship
with another person?”
ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!
How EXACTLY would these conversations GO?
Wife: Gee, honey, I really think our neighbor Bob is super-hot. I feel my attraction to him threatens our relationship. I don’t think we should hang out with him anymore.
Husband: What?
Wife: Yeah, I mean when he’s out mowing his lawn without his shirt… YOWZA! But I really want to make my relationship with YOU a priority. So I think we shouldn’t speak to Bob anymore. Okay?
Husband: O…kay. Just excuse me while I pick up the shattered pieces of my ego here…
Wife: Great! So while you do that I’ll just pop on over to Bob’s and let him know why we won’t be talking to him ever again. I’ll try not to drool over him too much while I do that. I hope he’s wearing a shirt, or I might not be able to control myself….
Husband: (sobbing in fetal position)
(Wife heads next door)
Wife: Hi Bob! I just came by to let you know we’ll be severing our relationship with you.
Bob: Um, what?
Wife: Yeah, see, I’m really attracted to you. You know, physically? Like the other day when you were trimming the hedge, all sweaty and everything…WOW.
Bob: Um, you’re really making me uncomfortable.
Wife: Oh, yeah, I know what you mean. I totally can’t restrain my rampant desire for you either. So I think it’s best for all of us if I don’t see you anymore.
Bob: Right. I’m closing the door now. Goodbye.
Wife: I’m so glad you understand.
Bob: I think I’m going to check on the restraining order process….
Okay, I think you get the idea.
So people, just so we’re clear: Date night? Yes. Brutal honesty? No.
HA!!!
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