Old Pipes + Big Trees = Big Problems

Last week we had a major plumbing problem.

Oh, wait, I forgot my disclaimer. Here it goes:

POSSIBLE GROSS-OUT WARNING: This blog post involves matters of the …ahem… powder room. So put down that sandwich if you’re going to read on.

Okay?

As I was saying….

Last week we had a major plumbing problem.

We only have two bathrooms, and both toilets were clogged.

(Why do I say ONLY two bathrooms? Remember, we’ve got seven people in this house. Granted, only five of them are toilet-trained, but four out of that five are female, and one of the four is a teenage girl--I think you get the picture; two bathrooms are barely adequate here!)

We’ve had some plumbing issues before in the past year we’ve been in this house. (I may have mentioned earlier a little thing about sewage bubbling up in the front yard, remember?) It’s an older place, and the pipes are probably in need of an overhaul.

But since we live in military housing, all I have to do is call the maintenance office to get such an issue fixed, right?

Well, mostly.

First of all, I called first thing in the morning and let them know about the problem. I explained I would be out of the house until lunch time. They said, “Well, just call us when you’re going to be home.”

I’m like, I just TOLD you when I’m going to be home. AFTER TWELVE! Can you not just write down on the schedule for maintenance to come by after lunch?

Do you people need help in purchasing a day-planner?

But apparently, once I’ve called, I’m supposed to be continuously home until they arrive.

So I called at twelve when I got home and they promised they’d be over before five.

Unfortunately on this particular day I had to pick up one of the kids from school instead of having them all come home on the bus as usual. (My oldest daughter had orchestra practice after school and would have to be picked up at four.)

So of course by the time it was almost four and I needed to get to the school the repairman had not yet arrived. I called and told the office I was going to pick up my child and said I’d just leave the kitchen door unlocked in case maintenance came while I was gone.

When I got back the repairmen was standing in my yard waiting. I guess he hadn’t gotten the message about going inside.

Okay, here comes another disclaimer.

DEFINITE GROSS-OUT WARNING: This next section is not for the squeamish. I’d suggest you skip this next part if you’ve still got that sandwich. Seriously.

Even though both toilets had been clogged since the night before, there were still people in the house with bathroom needs not covered by diapers. Five of them.

I know. Ewwwwww….

But the toilets had enough slow drainage to get the water out if you waited a little while, so I’d minimized the mess inside by periodically plunging the toilets enough to get (mostly) everything to go down. And then I’d actually cleaned the toilets in between so that maintenance wouldn’t have to be any more grossed-out than necessary.

Until we pulled up to the house and found the repairman waiting, and GG dashed from the van and directly into the bathroom.

So much for the clean commodes I’d worked so hard on.

Again: Ewwwwww…..

END OF DEFINITE GROSS-OUT SECTION: All ye squeamish can come back on board.

The good news is, they DID get the toilets working again, eventually.

There were two repairmen, and they spent almost THREE HOURS working on my toilets.

They snaked the toilets. They snaked the sewer line. They snaked the AIR VENT in the ROOF over the bathroom!

Plus they took the toilet off the floor.
(Actual unretouched photos here!)

It turns out the problem is that there are actual tree roots growing UNDER MY HOUSE and UP INTO THE SEWER LINES!

We have some huge and beautiful trees around our house. I guess we know what’s been fertilizing them.

All together now: Ewwwwww…..